


So we aim and ignite!

by chimesDissent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexuality, F/F, F/M, Gray-asexuality, M/M, Questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-23
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-05 21:44:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimesDissent/pseuds/chimesDissent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a matter of sorting through feelings and making choices, but John has plenty of time on this asteroid and everyone is here to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If we were honest and both wrote a sonnet together

When you're stuck on a ship with your sister, who's half dog; your bro, who's half bird; your Nanna, who's half dead; and a bunch of anthropomorphic herptiles, who you figure are half stupid; you don't really find yourself thinking about sex a lot.

This is the thought that zooms through John's head as Jade's earlier comments nag at him again. He's never thought of himself as being weird in this respect. Dad raised him with age appropriate informational books and they had frequent enough talks that John knew sex wasn’t as disturbing or gross as a lot of his school buddies tried to make it out to be. It just wasn't something that was constantly on his mind.

But now it worries him that he might actually be just a bit strange.

\--

Dave sends John porn sometimes. He goes on and on about how he has an exquisite taste in the stuff, seeing how he was raised with it and all.

John absentmindedly contemplates the absurdities of how a half teenage boy/half bird sprite hybrid can find sexual satisfaction. He stops after a while because it's sort of gross to think about your best bro like that sometimes. 

He humors Dave by opening the file, but he's almost immediately distracted by how the human body can be so flexible. 

Maybe when he's feeling up to it, he'll try to practice bending like that too. Just to see if he can.

\--

Not being able to pester the trolls anymore is actually pretty disappointing. To make up for it, John decides to read his old saved logs. 

Vriska's is first; she helped John out so much, he sort of feels like he owes it to her. While he reads, he thinks about what Dave asked him. 

Would he like to take Vriska out on a date?

He still thinks it would be pretty neat. Meeting a troll face to face, finally having someone besides Dad to praise Con Air to. Is it a date just because it's a girl troll and a boy human? Does he have to have make outs on dates? Is that a thing that actually needs to happen?

\--

He saves Karkat's logs for last. He's read through everyone else’s; Vriska's twice. He now feels prepared enough to scroll through all those grey angry letters and remember the weight that they carry.

When Karkat isn’t there to barrage him with line after line of scathing retorts, John can take his time reading through their responses. He starts to notice more sides to Karkat than he ever took care to contemplate before.

He notices how Karkat's so harsh on himself and he wonders if it's the same kind of harshness that his old school friend, Amber, used to place on herself. Because her dad wanted her to do better at everything, she would say, and John could only sit there with his arm draped over her shoulders as she cried to herself. He didn't know what it was like to not have a parent be proud of him; he didn't know what he could say to make her feel proud of herself and all her accomplishments.

John stops reading there and cries a little about the fact that Amber's gone now. He hopes that somehow she and her dad can talk about their feelings now. He doesn't know if they can, but he leaves it at that.

\--

He wonders if Karkat ever realized how good of a leader he is. 

Karkat’s not very good about hiding how much he cares for his friends. And he's actually really good at working with everyone’s desires to keep them happy (as a troll can be) and cooperative. He might grumble through it, but he knows that you have to give in order to take, and keeping your troops happy gives you certain advantages during a war.

Karkat's also really sensitive, John discovers, once he looks hard enough at Karkat’s little grey shouty text. Maybe that's why he likes romance so much? John makes a mental sticky note to ask him that when they can finally talk again.

He decides that when he meets Karkat, he will tell him all these things and if Karkat attempts to dodge his praise, he'll bug him with it until Karkat learns to shut up and take a compliment.

John thinks about taking Karkat out to a movie too. It could be a romance film if he wants; John’s got to learn how to work with other people's happiness too. 

Is it still a date if it's a boy troll and a boy human? Do they still have to make out?

John wonders why this thought doesn't bother him as much as it once had. He wishes Dad was here to talk.

He's glad that Nanna's here though.

\--

John helps Nanna bake a cake while they talk. The nakodiles keep requesting different flavors and Nanna's gracious enough to humor them. When John's not the only one being forced to eat five whole cakes in a day, he likes them well enough and he'll lick the bowls clean while Nanna takes care of the spoons.

He learns from his interactions with Nanna why Dad acted the way he did, because Nanna is the exact same way. Underneath all that goofy attitude is a parent who yearns to give their child all the love and support they need; a father full of pride, a mother full of warmth. John vaguely hopes that Casey feels this way about him. He resolves to start making strides in this direction; he's a parent now, too.

Nanna is patient with his concerns and she knows exactly when to throw in a good joke (or some cake batter to the face) to keep him calm enough to sort through all his feelings. She assures him that he's as natural as all the other boys and girls and that he just needs to do whatever he feels is right.

Don't use other people as a measuring stick, she says, you're the only one who knows exactly how you feel.

These words give him comfort for the next year and a half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that ace!John's been done before, but it will always be a thing that tugs at my heartstrings.


	2. A sandwich with everything on it,

When the asteroid and the golden ship make contact, John is full of excitement. He has hugs for Rose and Dave and he tells them how much he's missed them. Dave whispers to him which troll Karkat is and John takes a running leap at him because he just looks so awkward standing there, trying to blend in the background and it just doesn't seem like something Karkat should do.

Karkat isn't as small as John pictured. In fact, the troll's nose is at perfect level with John's eyes and John's shot up quite a bit on his three year journey. When Karkat stops sputtering at John's tackle, he returns the hug he's been enveloped in. John eventually pulls him in towards the center of the group. 

Everyone has a lot of catching up to do.

\--

Between listening to Rose and Kanaya's theories on the arrival of the alternate guardians, helping Terezi soothe both Dave's occasional worries at the thought of meeting their not-Bro and letting them know that it's okay to be angry and even a little sad, and chatting excitedly with Jade at the prospect of finally meeting Jake and thanking him extensively for Liv Tyler, John spends most of his time in his and Karkat's room. 

When John learned that Rose and Kanaya, and Dave and Terezi, had eventually decided to share rooms, he immediately approached Karkat with a request. It was a reluctant yes, but it was a yes all the same. 

Jade took Feferi’s; she said that all their time spent in dream bubbles together could be that much more exciting if she was sleeping in her friend's old room. Davesprite (as John has reluctantly begun to call him in public again after touching down on the asteroid) moved in with her after a couple more days.

The consorts and carapaces made the most of the leftover spaces on the asteroid, climbing between piping and wandering the outside landscape at the own leisure (occasionally tugging the kids and trolls along). Jade used her witchy powers to open a portal to each planet for everyone’s convenience and comfort.

At first, John and Karkat spent most of their time together sitting awkwardly in front the large screen in the corner of the room, plowing through their combined collection of movies. It's a weird sort of transition between bickering through text and bickering face to face. John enjoys it, though, and he hopes Karkat does too. It takes a couple of weeks to learn how to be comfortable with each other and share a living space without driving each other up a wall.

John knows when he's finally come under Karkat's confidence when he meets Gamzee for the first time.

John learned from Rose in the first few days what had occurred between Gamzee and the other trolls. He was a little nervous around him at first, but Karkat needed Gamzee and John understood this simple fact well enough. Karkat urged him to keep quiet about their meetings and John reassured him that it wasn’t his place to reveal Karkat’s secrets.

He would excuse himself when the two moirails would prepare themselves for a well needed feelings jam, content to surround himself with everyone else on this crazy asteroid mash-up party.

\--

They have a lot of time to spend together before the arrival of the alternate guardians. John appreciates this a lot more now that he is on the asteroid with everyone, instead of feeling separated on the golden ship.

He spends an evening with Jade and Terezi arranging flowers in Jade’s new greenhouse. Terezi couldn’t care less about planting flowers, but she prefers to meander between the rows of the most colorful flowers she’s ever smelled, as she claims. Jade’s scolded her enough that Terezi refrains from disturbing the flowers with a misplaced lick across the petals, but John still sees her press her nose against the great bundles of hydrangeas and wave petunias whenever Jade’s too busy settling a plant into its new pot.

John’s spent so much time in Jade’s presence by this point that he considers her an actual sister. She’s told him so much of her adventures with Feferi in the dream bubbles and her budding relationship with Davesprite that he feels like he owes it to her to be open about his own feelings.

Though not as close to Terezi as Jade, John knows that, while it’s likely she’ll laugh at him some point, Terezi will also offer advice if she has any.

John talks about it systematically at first. About these little stirrings towards Karkat that nudge at him when he’s trying to focus on scrubbing dishes, but all he can hear is Dave free running from one end of asteroid to the next with Karkat chasing after him shouting a tirade of the most poetic rage ever brought to existence. Or how John will wake up in the middle of a nap and see Karkat staring at him from across the room. John finds it less creepy and more depressing, like Karkat can only hope to have the type of sleep that John gets, free of horrorterrors and regrets and shame.

A few times before, John has made the move to get up and comfort Karkat, but Karkat always leaves before he can sit up all the way. John hopes that he’s going to see Gamzee. Gamzee would know what to do.

These little thoughts make John’s heart bubble, but he’s edging towards 17 and these are new experiences. They’re more profound than those passing thoughts that would swim through his mind while reading Karkat’s pesterlogs; they feel like they might actually mean something.

Jade digs her fingers through soil as she listens, spreading fertilizer and thinking. Terezi pulls her face out of a patch of lantanas to question what John’s problem is. If he’s got some pitying fondness then he just needs to act on it instead of tip-toeing around it like some type of oncoming catastrophe.

John’s learned enough about troll culture from Karkat and Kanaya’s combined efforts that he understands where Terezi is coming from. When you grow up in a world where sexual acts are an absolute must, why would you even think about shying away from a budding matespritship?

John sees Jade’s ears fold back a bit, but he rests a hand across hers to stop her from defending him. He figures that they’re far enough into the conversation that there’s no real point to stopping now and Terezi has a valid, if uninformed, question. She’s curious and who is he to spite her of that curiosity?

It takes a while, mostly because Terezi is full of questions, but John thinks that in the end it’s worth it. 

She doesn’t really understand what a disinterest in sex actually means at first; if you’re never exposed to a concept and you don’t experience it yourself, how can you even think to understand it? John does his best to use information from his childhood talks with his dad and all the advice Nanna gave him when he was young and questioning. 

He talks about different human orientations, physical attraction, and arousal. He talks about the difficulties of claiming an identity when you’re constantly questioning yourself and you can’t find the answers to all your questions. He talks about how sexuality is a spectrum in the human world and that makes it even harder to understand who and what you are sometimes. 

Altogether though, he’s thankful that she and Dave have had discussions of human sexuality on their own, which makes some parts easier.

He doesn’t feel like he’s covered all of it by the end of the conversation, but he doesn’t know if he ever can. 

Terezi, however, is silent for a moment, standing poised like she’s thinking of all the great possibilities this new information holds and then, once the moment is up, she spreads her lips to reveal such a sharp and endearing smile that John and Jade have to chuckle at the sight.

Looking towards them at their laughter, Terezi lets loose her own cackling and soon they’re clutching at each other’s shoulders, attempting to stay upright as they roar in delight, relieved and uninhibited.

Don’t let Karkat do anything stupid and things will turn out for the best, Terezi says after they’ve caught their breath back in their lungs. It doesn’t offer John much, but Terezi hasn’t led him wrong since her first fatal mistake.

Jade clips them small morning glories and white jasmine to hang in their rooms and remember this night, and she leads them out of the greenhouse to get ready for bed.

John stares at the flowers as he sits on his bed. Karkat’s gone from the room now, but John knows he’ll return whenever he’s ready. He thinks, while twirling the morning glory between his fingers, about all the things Karkat has slowly come to mean to him.

John can’t decide if he’s thinking about things too much or not enough, but he figures, as he lays down to sleep, placing the jasmine and morning glory to the side of his pillow, that he’ll take Terezi’s advice.

\--

He finds it strangely endearing to watch Karkat groom himself in the mornings. Or well, as close to morning as you can get on an always-dim asteroid hurtling through space attempting to out speed a mass murdering devil-dog.

John sits cross-legged on the edge of his bed as Karkat drags this thing that looks like a tortuous nail file across his toenails. John’s learned that troll nails grow so quickly that trolls have to maintain them at a proper length continually if they don’t want to wreck every set of footwear and gloves they own. It also gives trolls a chance to sharpen everything on the off chance of an aggressive encounter. Karkat tells John all of this whenever John starts to laugh a little too hard.

It’s weird watching Karkat chop and saw and smooth his nails into a sharpened peak, but it’s another little bit of troll culture that John’s come to accept and expect.

When Karkat finishes his right hand’s nails and moves to take care of his left, John makes a choice. Leaping from his place on the bed, John strides over to Karkat and takes a hold of his hand as the troll stares in confusion. His hand is bigger than John’s by a couple of inches, which is always sort of surprising, but it’s warm and it reaffirms John’s decision.

Grabbing the nail file, John locks eyes with Karkat until he receives a quick nod and sagged shoulders as acceptance. He looks dubiously at the death contraption in his hand until Karkat takes the time to explain all the operating mechanisms.

It takes more time than it should for a single hand when Karkat can usually get all four appendages finished in under half an hour, but John is steady and Karkat hasn’t complained yet. Slowly each nail is trimmed and sharpened and John is sort of disgusted but also really fascinated. Karkat doesn’t look away like John expected; instead he keeps an eye on John’s work and helps John position the file to get the best results.

When they’re finished, Karkat cleans up as John babbles about the oddities of different species. After Karkat finishes putting his tools away, he tells John that he should return the favor.

Seconds tick by as John thinks, but eventually he makes a decision and tells Karkat to wait a few days and the favor can be repaid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to Fivetail and her blog "Boyfriendleaders" for discussing Karkat's possible weird groom habits. :)


	3. At least we would know that the sparks didn't glow

Most days John thinks he does pretty well at being a teenage father. Nanna’s there to help him with parenting questions and the others are always willing to lend a hand if needed, even Karkat.

Currently it’s time for Casey’s ukulele lessons with him and Jade. John’s come to understand the theory, Jade helps with the strings. John would have preferred piano, but Casey’s little limbs and fingers could barely stretch across half the keyboard. It took a while to alchemize a ukulele correctly, but they managed to create a few good variations for each of them to jam on. Casey’s gotten pretty good with their combined efforts surprisingly and she’s usually standing eagerly at their sides when it’s time for lessons to start.

When Casey didn’t show up at her usual time today though, John told Jade to continue relaxing with Davesprite until he found her. Jade didn’t put up much of a fight.

It takes only a slight manipulation of the breeze to find a path to Casey. The wind pushes at John’s back as he makes his way towards her slowly. At first he thought she would be somewhere on LOWAS, where she usually likes to spend her days away from him, but the breeze is urging him towards the central rooms of the asteroid.

The air settles in front of a door and John knows that his daughter is behind it. This is usually a door that he sees Kanaya wander in and out of and he wonders why Casey would have any business here.

Opening the door reveals a sight he never really expected to see.

Kanaya is standing with her arms overflowing with an assortment of colorful fabric and Dave is picking through each one, shaking his head at each choice while digging further into the pile. Casey’s standing in the center of the room on a raised platform that used to be an old transporter.

Her arms are spread out and John notices the resigned look she gets in her eyes when he tells her to continue practicing her chords like she hasn’t been doing it all day. She lights up a bit when she notices him standing in the doorway and lets out a large bubble after she greets him.

Dave turns to face him while Kanaya drops the fabric and attempts to mop up whatever spittle managed to land on the fabric wrapped around Casey’s torso.

After shutting the door, John walks over to his daughter and lifts her up. She looks a bit relieved for the break, but also reluctant to stop completely.

Everyone settles themselves onto the chairs in the corner of the room and Dave starts to complain to Kanaya about the limited selection of designs to choose from while Casey aims for a nap on John’s lap.

They’re attempting to make a new collection of clothes for the consorts and carapaces. It’s disturbing to keep watching them walk around in our dirty old bed sheets and the same outfits that are at least three years old, Dave claims after seeing John’s amusement.

John has to agree, but asks them to use more than just his daughter as a model in the future. Kanaya promises to find a set of volunteers and begins to list a few possibilities she can already think of.

John takes a moment to analyze her dress while she speaks. They aren’t colors John would have initially chosen for Kanaya, but they’re subtle against her skin, enhancing her natural allure. The fabric is loose and flattering to her body and John praises her skill for creating such a design.

Dave coughs a little embarrassingly and lays claim on the praise. It’s a bit surprising at first, but Dave’s always been the type of person to be mindful of appearances. Perhaps a bit of influence from Kanaya nudged him in this direction, but he seems comfortable and obviously capable.

Casey continues to sleep as they chat. John figures a skipped lesson is well deserved every once in a while and he’s having too much fun adding on to Kanaya’s quips about Dave’s imaginative designs.

Later, after Casey groggily informs John that she needs a restroom, John heads out the door with a promise to model in return for a personalized outfit custom Strider&Maryam™.

\--

After Casey is deposited in her bed, John makes his way back to his and Karkat’s room. Karkat’s tucked in his pile, reading a novel that looks like it’s come from Rose’s collection. He’s left a light on for John’s convenience and John says good night after pulling up the covers and clicking the light off. John’s always thankful that Karkat can read in the dark.

Sleep comes easy when the only sound is Karkat occasionally turning the page and John welcomes the relief, and the dreams, with gratefulness.

The sky of this world looks like it’s in a constant state of dawn, with deep oranges and light pinks scattered about. But when John looks hard enough, he notices a strange design etched in the stratosphere.

It’s a treasure map, a voice tells him from the side, and John jumps at Vriska’s unexpected voice. He hugs her in greeting as she welcomes him to her old planet. They’ve met many times in the dream bubbles, but they’ve never landed on her planet before.

They start an adventure immediately, following the courses shining on the sky’s map. They speed through the first two areas; Vriska always prefers the fast and exciting paths in life and death. By the third, they’re slowing down enough to hold a decent conversation. 

Vriska talks about the other dream bubbles she’s passed through. John’s been guiding her as she tries to fix her mistakes. It’s hard most of the time, Vriska’s always reluctant to admit being wrong, but she’s getting better at being sincere. They’ve talked a lot about acceptance and Vriska’s slowly come to realize that she can’t force people to forgive her. She can only offer what she can and let the others make their own choices.

It’s lonely for her mostly, but John is happy to visit whenever their paths cross.

Eventually, after Vriska’s gotten her fill about Kanaya and Terezi’s current lives, she urges John to talk about The Karkat Situ8ion ;;;;). She’s nagged John about this so often that she knows the ins and outs of every fleeting feeling John’s gotten in the last 3.5 years.

John catches her up with their latest antics, particularly about their grooming episode. Vriska seems a bit shocked at first, but she guffaws so hard by the end of it that tiny treasures fall from her overloaded pockets.

She tells John that he’s pretty dumb for interrupting a troll during a grooming session, especially while going about sharpening their already sharp and pointy claws. She can hardly spit the insult out between her laughs and she ends up planting her bottom on the ground before she can topple over.

John joins her, both sitting and laughing, because he knows she means no offense. It was pretty stupid, he admits, but sometimes he can’t control he own behavior and it freaks him out at times.

Vriska settles herself against his side and calls him dumb again before taking the time to talk John through his feelings. Vriska’s screwed up a lot of her own relationships, but she wants to help John do his right the first time.

\--

When John wakes up he feels more content with all the things inside his head than he has in weeks. He doesn’t know how Vriska does it, but he’s forever grateful.

Looking to the side, John sees Karkat pulling his fingers through his hair in a last ditch effort to work out a stubborn knot. It takes a few seconds, but he finally untangles it and notices John’s awake. John takes his time stretching, trying to gather some needed strength for what he has planned.

With a quirk of his fingers, he calls Karkat to come sit next to him on his bed. Once Karkat’s all settled, John stands and bends under his bed to pull out a locked box that Karkat usually sees him carrying into the nearest restroom.

Sitting back on the bed, John notices his friend’s confused face and it makes him chuckle a bit as he unhooks the lock and pull out the instruments for this morning’s activity.

It’s an old-fashioned straight razor, coupled with a can of Barbasol shaving cream and some other mismatched junk. Karkat looks as if he’s torn between being concerned of the weaponry being laid out in the open or aggravated at not understanding why John’s laying this assortment of crap on the bed.

John rubs at the stubble that managed to grow around his mouth and chin in a few days’ time and begins to explain that he would like Karkat to help him shave. Karkat’s a bit perturbed once he hears the actual process, but John assures him that he is has confidence in his blade-handling skills.

When Karkat reluctantly agrees, John jumps up to heat a towel in the nearest bathroom and exclaims how cool it will be to not have to do it on his own for once. After returning, John explains that Nanna had to help him learn to shave while on the golden ship, but she only really taught him the same methods she taught Dad. John doesn’t mind, but sometimes he thinks that there are too many steps to the process.

While letting his face heat up, John rearranges Karkat on the edge of the bed so his legs hang off the side. He then throws a couple of pillows between Karkat’s feet and settles himself between his legs. Karkat tenses up at the unexpected position, but John knows he’ll relax soon once he’s working.

Once John deems his face sufficiently hot enough, he spreads a bit of oil across his face and then applies the shaving cream with the aid of a brush and a little mirror. When he’s coated with the stuff, he leans back and hands Karkat the razor and reminds him of the directions Karkat needs to go to get the best results.

Leaning back with his head against Karkat’s stomach, John closes his eyes and instead pays attention to how taut Karkat is pulling his skin and where the razor is landing and heading. He taps Karkat’s calf when he wants to give a suggestion and Karkat is patient enough to pull back every time without fuss.

It’s calming how they can work together on a simple process and John’s amazed at how quickly Karkat has accustomed his hands to shaving instead of attacking. This was, quite simply, the best way John could think of letting Karkat know that he trusts him entirely.

Soon Karkat is finished and John checks himself in the mirror to admire Karkat’s handiwork. The troll goes a faint red at the praise, but he’s learned to accept it without much of a fight. John rubs on some aftershave and begins to clean up, asking Karkat to pass down any of the items left on the bed. When everything is cleaned and dried and stored away, John leans back again, content to waste away the rest of the day exactly where he is.

Karkat bends over a bit to get a better look at his face and scolds him for being a lazy piece of human garbage.

John can’t help it then, because this was exactly the type of reaction that made him find Karkat so interesting and hilarious in the first place. John tells Karkat all of this, everything he’s thought of him since the first moment they’ve interacted. 

How John missed Karkat something fierce when they were separated by time and space, and how he kept missing Karkat even when they were together because neither of them knew how to behave in person. Were insults and jokes as funny when you were actually saying them instead of typing them out? 

These were things they had to learn about each other, as well as their little quirks and preferences and fears. John’s working himself up with all the talking and Karkat’s just staring at him, letting it all soak in. 

John finishes after a while, after he’s explained as much as he possibly can; all of his indecisions, and his reluctance because he doesn’t know if he can give Karkat everything he wants and deserves (because you deserve so much, you really truly do, don’t argue with it), and after that he has to stop because he can’t think of anything else to say and they are stuck in the awkward space of silence and contemplation.

Karkat closes his arms around John’s torso a little bit and says that he doesn’t know what to think right now, and John tells him that’s okay. He returns the hug as best as he can and when they’ve had enough, they both stand, walk out the door, and head separate ways down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major thanks to Crowry for letting me borrow the idea of a fashion designer Dave.
> 
> A link to a dress that sort of matches what I had in mind for Kanaya: http://www.promgirl.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-PD638215 (I think I spent more time trying to find a dress to match what I had in my head than I spent writing the whole chapter...)
> 
> Also, if I missed something major during the shaving scene, please tell me. I've never had a shave a beard before.


	4. But we owe it to ourselves to try,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not going to lie; this chapter is officially longer than the first three chapters combined. I thank my dear tumblr followers for putting up with my constant updates on the chapter’s progress; they are beautiful people. 
> 
> When you get to the piano scene, here’s the song I had in mind while writing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg74CE4O9hA

It’s not often that time drags by slowly on the asteroid, but that’s how these past several days have gone.

The others don’t act as if they’ve noticed a shift in John and Karkat’s dynamic, but John has a sneaking suspicion that Rose is keeping everyone quiet.

Every once in a while, John will meet Karkat’s eyes from across the room and Karkat will open his mouth like he has a revelation to share, but he always snaps tight before the first syllable is voiced. Oftentimes he leaves the room immediately after that, and John’s hope is starting to get a little shaky after repeated occurrences.

It’s after one of these rather depressing episodes that Jaspersprite comes to find John floating outside the upper windows of the laboratory. John’s acknowledged that Jaspersprite is strangely affectionate for a ghost cat, but John can’t really complain as he is greeted by the pink and purring feline.

Jaspersprite settles his head near John’s hand and John won’t deny the silent request. He rubs the base of one ear while they both stare into the space surrounding them. John’s discovered that if you’re patient enough, you can see the most spectacular celestial movements; an array of comets racing across the sky, an explosion of star dust in the far off distance.

They float together for a while, silent aside from Jaspersprite’s continued purrs, observing and slowly understanding the magnitude of the results this war could carry.

—

When the skyline before them grows quiet, Jaspersprite leads John inside stating that Rose wished to speak with him.

Jaspersprite slips through the door before John can open it for himself, but John hesitates for a moment because he can hear Davesprite groaning on the other side. He worries for a moment that he might be stepping into an awkward situation until he hears Rose’s voice attempting to calm Davesprite down.

When he opens the door, he’s surprised at the spectacle before him. Davesprite is fluttering around the ceiling, clutching a sheet of paper to his chest, flapping his great wings in such an aggravated fashion that large feathers are spilling towards the floor at a near alarming rate. Rose is floating by only a few feet, attempting to pacify him, but also trying to avoid getting hit in the process. Jaspersprite is curled around her now, like a protective charm, with a single tentacled-arm reached out to bat at Davesprite every time he flies near enough.

John floats up to Rose, questioning why Davesprite is behaving so erratically, but before Rose can speak Davesprite springs himself between them shoving the paper into John’s face while moaning about the horrors of his alternate self’s life choices.

Uncrinkling the paper, which had been ruffled during Davesprite’s tirade, John glances over its contents and seems unimpressed.

It’s a rap, dude, don’t you enjoy those, John asks, handing the paper over to Rose.

Davesprite squawks, a little like a crow because sometimes he can’t actually control it, and rants about how that paper doesn’t hold just any plain old rap, but an honest to god, not pulling any shitty wool over no sheep’s eyes, love rap. It’s a love rap and there’s no denying its pathetic existence.

Rose’s face is practically pressed against the paper with the intensity of her inspection. She’s stark still, muttering the lyrics under her breath like it’s some newfound god hymn and she’s analyzing the meaning of life between the letters.

John draws closer to her, rereading over her shoulder, in an attempt to gain a better understanding for Davesprite’s plight.

Now that he’s taken the time to actually give a shit, John can’t help but revel in this gifted treasure. It reads like Dave attempted to weave a Shakespearean sonnet between the choruses of Eminem’s more pacified raps, but it’s created an abomination of absurd teenage feelings, vague slurs, and a hint of anxiety at the thought of rejection.

John doesn’t know why Dave would think Terezi would reject him though, it’s a love rap and Terezi will probably accidentally eat it in a moment of pure happiness.

Rose and John eventually settle Davesprite down and throw a spare blanket over his head and torso to put him to sleep before he gives himself a heart attack from too much excitement.

They settle onto a couch in the center of the room, facing each other, with Jaspersprite draped over Rose’s lap. John half-way assumes that she’ll bring up Karkat, hoping to pick apart John’s mind about the situation.

He opens his mouth, ready tell her that there isn’t much to talk about, but she surprises him with a quick finger pressed against his upper lip. She tells John that she wasn’t planning on talking about that, even though she would like to greatly.

Instead she brings up the topic of the arrival of the alternate guardians. Time is pressing in around them, if Dave’s constant mumblings about hours and minutes and seconds that are bringing them closer and closer together are of any hint.

She talks about the strategies they could use, about the possibility of Gamzee turning against them the moment they need him most (which John can only subtly refuse without spilling the truth of Gamzee’s and Karkat’s frequent meetings). She clutches their hands together as she reluctantly worries about meeting her alternate-Mom for the first time. John knows that it’s because Rose can only see her Mom’s mangled body, lying prostrate and covered in blood, in her mind’s eye. John also knows that Rose is aware that these alternate guardians will not be the same as the ones they thought they knew (but when you’re just a kid missing a parent, it’s hard to convince yourself of these things).

She lets John talk for a while as well, as he shares his disappointment at not being able to see his Dad again; Nanna had already broken that hard truth to him months ago. And he worries about how this war will affect them when it’s all over.

How many of them will not make it, how much more of this universe will be lost in the slaughter? It’s taken a great deal for everyone to grow up, but for a second it all seems like a wasted effort at the prospect of dying without accomplishing much of anything.

They sit like that for a while, talking their fears into the night, comforting each other as much as the other will allow themselves to be comforted.

They stop when Jade literally pops into the room; manipulating space in her quest to find Davesprite. Carefully, they help her gather Davesprite up, keeping his head cover in an effort to keep him asleep, and John and Rose watch them pop out of the room.

As Jaspersprite heaves a great yawn, they bid each other good night and head towards their rooms to sleep their anxieties away.

—

John isn’t even fully awake, yet he feels like he should be terrified. While attempting to bring himself back into consciousness, he notices a heavy weight placed across his chest and feels a slight tickle of air brush against his face.

Timidly, he opens his eyes and, if he was free to move, he would have leapt out of his bed and through the door at the sight that greeted him. There, lazing contentedly across his upper torso, laid Gamzee.

The troll smiles in greeting, but at the angle in which John gazes upon those sharpened teeth, it doesn’t come across as much of a pleasantry.

Gamzee pushes himself up lazily, allowing John to sit up as well, while telling John that he had been watching him sleep for some time now and that John could really get his dreaming on. 

There’s a bit of concern growing in the pit of John’s stomach because Gamzee’s never made the effort to visit John on his own. Sure, he’s been pleasant enough to John when visiting with Karkat, but John was never led to believe that he was actually developing a friendship with Gamzee based on their limited interactions.

Gamzee doesn’t keep John guessing at his arrival for long, jumping into some weird monologue about how Karkat is his responsibility, and if John’s moving in, then something’s got to be done. John doesn’t know if he should feel threatened or confused, but Gamzee’s kept his lazy grin spread across his face since he first started talking.

Taking a few quick glances around the room, John notices that Karkat’s nowhere to be seen and Gamzee tells John that Kanaya and Dave have got him all wrapped up in a project.

John pushes his head into his hands as he regrets telling Kanaya to gather more models, but Gamzee reaches out an arm and pats it on John’s shoulder, telling John that Karkat won’t be gone for too long, so he shouldn’t worry about missing out on him for a whole day.

It sort of surprises John that Gamzee is attempting to be comforting, albeit in a slightly awkward manner. John takes a moment to himself to think about why Gamzee’s presence has set him on edge, even if the troll hasn’t reacted in a threatening manner at all. And if Karkat can have unmitigated trust in Gamzee, then John should approach the situation with a lack of prejudice, instead of feeding off the fears and anger the other trolls hold towards Gamzee.

Scooting back a bit on his bed, John invites Gamzee to join him, instead of leaving him crouched on the floor. Gamzee hesitates until John reassures him that it is in no way a request for moirallegience, leaving that particular quadrant firmly in Karkat’s capable hands.

Gamzee towers over John even more than Karkat does; his horns and puffed out hair giving him even more width and height. John has to crook his head back a bit to meet Gamzee’s eyes and he’s surprised to notice the seriousness they carry.

Now that John’s fully awake and settled into the conversation, he restarts Gamzee’s earlier comments about Karkat. He’s concerned, at first, that Gamzee has come to tell him that Karkat is uninterested but incapable to tell him otherwise without threatening their friendship, or that Gamzee has certain qualms against John entering in to this mismatched flushed-boy crush.

These thoughts bury into John, making him question if it was even a good idea to tell Karkat of all his feelings in the first place. What if he’s made Karkat too uncomfortable? What if he’s cracked the edges of their friendship and the whole thing is set, waiting to tumble at the slightest press of fingers?

But Gamzee brings none of that into question.

He speaks, slow and easy, about his and Karkat’s recent conversations, stating that it’s his duty as a good moirail to help Karkat, even if Karkat doesn’t necessarily ask him for help. He tells John about Karkat’s conflictions, only going into so much detail that John understands the seriousness of the situation without revealing the more private secrets.

Gamzee gives John plenty of time for questions, which John appreciates immensely. When they are finished, Gamzee stretches his arms high and heaves with a sense of satisfaction. He admits to John then that for a long time he had been thinking about how to handle the matter without upsetting Karkat, but still do his part to help Karkat overcome his hesitations. 

John takes a moment to appreciate Gamzee’s willingness to uphold his and Karkat’s moirallegience. John’s learned that it’s important for both trolls to receive benefits from a healthy pale quadrant, and John is witnessing the return firsthand.

He tells Gamzee that he’s glad that Karkat has him as a moirail and that Gamzee is doing a good job, and Gamzee gives him such a gleeful smile in return that John can’t help but want to become friends with him.

Soon after, Gamzee stands and walks over to the grate hidden behind Karkat’s scalemate pile and tells John one last bit of advice before climbing into the air ducts and leaving John to think about what needs to be done.

—

John doesn’t want to bother Karkat just yet, not until he’s wrapped his head around all of this new information, and he doesn’t want to interfere with Karkat’s time spent with Kanaya and Dave. 

After getting dressed, John wanders the asteroid for a while, hoping to find a place to mull over everything in his head. He spots one of Jade’s portals after a while and makes a decision to step into the deep blue hue.

It’s lively on his planet nowadays. The salamanders and other consorts busy themselves with daily projects and John can clearly hear the sound of their labor and chatter.

He follows the paths that lead him to his abandoned house; a stark white set against a backdrop of the night sky. The house looms high above him, still settled firmly in the middle of the broken tower of dirt.

John flies up and sees that Rose’s hard work is still left intact as well. He sees smudges of oil spread across the ground from his old battles and there are pieces of broken rubble scattered in his yard. It’s a mess, but it still carries that sense of home.

Making his way inside, using the convenience of the hole left by that dangerous bathtub, John sees that the old battle wounds have remained on the inside as well. Black streaks decorate various walls, sometimes partially covering the pictures that John’s dad liked to hang. Rubble is strewn across the carpet and John decides to float through the house instead of attempting to navigate it by foot.

It’s a bit of a struggle, but John eventually manages to make his way up and into his room. He’s neglected coming here for so long that he had forgotten the extent of the damage done by all of the imps, Rose’s, and his own mischief during those first hours of the game. It seems surreal as he stands in his room, looking at all the things that once meant so much to him.

He had prided himself on his collection of movie posters and handy pranking tools, but almost everything is in ruin and he can’t help but feel a distant sadness at the loss. He scoops down and picks up a few of the scattered old toys and tries to rearrange them in a neater fashion, hoping to distract his brain from the oncoming thoughts.

Everything feels so far away, like it’s slipping just a bit more though his fingers no matter how tightly he tries to squeeze them.

He looks at his walls around his bed, reading through the nightmarish scribbles he was once blind to. What had his dad thought when he first discovered such horrid messages? John knows, at the very least, that if he had seen something like that come from Casey that he would have his own mental breakdown. His dad must have been so strong to try so hard to keep John happy, even when everything was pointing towards the wrong direction.

John can’t stand to be in the room any longer. It doesn’t really feel like it’s his anymore.

He hovers over dismembered objects lying on the floor and slowly eases his way to his dad’s room. He remembers the shock he had received when the discovery of his father’s boringness closed in on him. John had built up his father’s mischief so much in his own head that the truth seemed unbelievable. 

How carefully his dad must have worked to convince John of all the things that weren’t true. There must have been such a delicate balancing act always hovering in the background of John’s life, but he never took the time to even notice it. John just wanted to always assume that his dad was a grade-A weirdo with his own set of odd habits. (Maybe it was a thing of comfort, believing that you weren’t the only weird one in your family.)

John steps across the room, grateful that it was at least the only one mostly spared by the destructiveness of their childish antics. He flops face first across the bed and watches as the dust spreads into the air, creating swirls and patterns in its travel.

He turns his head into the mattress and presses his nose in hard, feeling the springs creak against his face, and breathes in as deeply as he can, hoping to catch the old scent of his dad’s aftershave and pipe smoke.

It’s there, just slightly, but John notices it all the same. It’s only in this moment that John feels like he’s come home, like he actually belongs in this tiny space.

John slowly relaxes his head and continues to lie against the old dusty covers. He had always been so aggravated at his dad for those constant encouraging messages. After a time, it had felt like they hadn’t meant as much.

His dad was _always_ proud, like John didn’t even need to earn it anymore, and eventually John stopped caring. But he wants to see those messages again.

Not because he needs to be told that he’s earned something, but because he wants to see his dad’s handwriting. Those neatly drawn letters, not elegant like Rose’s, but carefully, thoughtfully written. He wants to hold a note in his hand and feel like his dad is hiding just behind the couch, ready to spring out, cake in hand, at the nearest opportunity.

But it will never be. Because John was forced to lose the thing he treasured the most without realizing how much he treasured it until it was years too late.

There’s a yearning pressing inside John’s stomach now and John knows that he needs it in order to grow. That’s what this game teaches you, at the very least: how sometimes you have to suffer in order to grow, to mature.

His dad was trying his best and John doesn’t know if he would have been successful if John had never played this game. How different would John’s life have turned out if he had grown up like everyone else before him?

But John is torn between wanting that old life back and continuing his current one. He wants his dad back and he misses those friends he managed to collect throughout school, but he can’t find it in himself to regret what he has now.

He’s found himself in this great web of friendship, wrapped so tightly around these last few humans and trolls. He’s so willing to fight for them, to use these powers for more than gleeful antics, but for battle. Because their lives will be on the line soon, all of theirs, and he doesn’t want to lose a single one of them.

These friendships have been his greatest success in life.

And yet, when John thinks about it, he wants a little bit more. He can’t help it now, whenever he thinks of Karkat. When he stopped fretting over gender and childish prejudices; when he started to actually pay attention to what his whole body was saying; when he learned to be okay with it and admit that, yes, yes he wants this, he really does. 

Because John doesn’t look at Karkat and see just another troll in a dead universe. He sees everything it’s ever taken to come to this point in time. The conversations and reflections, the amusement and frustration, the exhaustion and relief. He watches it all build up and point straight at this single troll, and John sees love.

And John wants Karkat to know these feelings too, if Karkat will let him. John knows that they both have issues to improve upon, but John will take all of Karkat if Karkat is willing to let him.

—

There’s a glow of soft blue when John opens his eyes and he’s surprised to find himself lying across Nanna’s lap. When he pushes himself up, she tells him that she had found him a few hours ago curled on his dad’s mattress, still fast asleep, but she hadn’t felt right leaving him there.

John thanks her because he doesn’t know if he would have been able to handle having to leave the house on his own, not after all those thoughts pressed in on him. 

He’s grateful that Nanna has taken to caring for him as seriously as she has. As a kid, he would sometimes miss having a maternal figure around, but he never pressed his dad to change it. He’s more than glad now, not only because he doesn’t have to worry about Nanna being some sort of replacement mother, but also because he doesn’t know how he would have handled losing both a mom and a dad because of the game.

Looking around, John notices that they are in the small space that Nanna had claimed for herself when they moved to the asteroid. It’s a small space dominated mainly by the piano that she had requested to be created when John and Jade were attempting to make their first batch of ukuleles. It took less time to create, mostly because John had intimate knowledge of how a piano is structured.

John knows that Nanna sometimes becomes saddened by the fact that she can’t feel the keys beneath her fingers, not like when she was alive. She can use her sprite powers to hit the keys that her single hand cannot, but the feeling, the texture and vibrations, are absent. 

She told John this once when he had found her staring at the keyboard, her mouth pulled tight in resigned contemplation.

Nanna’s seemed to notice what has caught John’s attention because she suddenly asking him if he’d like to play. It takes a second to contemplate, but John pulls himself up, taking Nanna’s disembodied hand along with his, and drags them both over to the piano.

John settles on the right side, claiming the higher notes, while Nanna places herself on the left. It’s a tight fit, but they’ve done this before with success.

Nanna makes use of her powers by hitting a few keys on John’s side to tell him what she wants played and John takes over immediately.

It’s a fairly slow song and John can’t help but agree that it’s perfect for the atmosphere that’s settled around them. They use this time to speak to each other through the music, giving reassurance and affection in the most soothing way they know.

John’s learned to love playing like this. When he was younger, piano practice was just another thing to bother him. Sure, he enjoyed learning it for the most part, but it was never something special. But playing with Nanna gives him such overwhelming satisfaction. It feels almost like when they were fighting together in the game, working in sync to destroy as many imps as possible, but they’re tackling the keys here, collecting rhythm and tempo instead of shale and building grist.

When the song ends, Nanna strikes out a few more keys and they pick up once again; they’re hitting a stride and neither one want to stop now. They keep playing until John fingers start to grow a bit stiff even though Nanna could continue forever (which John supposes is a small benefit to not being able to feel the keys, but he shuts this thought away).

John feels a bit less tension between his shoulders and on his mind once he stands from the bench. Nanna’s offering to make him a decent meal for the evening and John decides that it will be another great project that they can work on side by side.

—

With a contentedly full stomach, John makes his way through the asteroid hoping to make good on Gamzee’s early morning advice. 

Once again the breeze pushes along his shoulders as it leads him to Karkat. John takes his time, thinking about how he can get Karkat to finally open up about his insecurities. Gamzee only gave John just enough to work with; it’s up to Karkat to fill him in on the rest.

By the time he makes it to the greenhouse door, John still hasn’t figured out the best plan, but he’s trying not to worry too hard about it.

As he pushes open the door, he hears Jade’s voice explaining the lighting systems and how good light, be it natural sunlight or otherwise, is important for a flower’s growth. Standing near Jade is Karkat, who has an armful of Casey as she is currently attempting to press her whole face into the small buds of purple floss. She looks too much like Terezi in that single moment and John can’t help but chuckle at the sight.

The three turn to face him as he shuts the door and makes his way between the rows of flowers to them. After greeting them, John informs the mismatched trio that food is being kept warm by Nanna.

Jade bounces into action at the statement, double-checking the irrigation systems and re-adjusting the lighting to give the flowers a few hours of dimness. Casey questions Karkat if he will be joining them for dinner, but Karkat glances quickly in John’s direction before stating that he has something important to take care of.

John’s a bit relieved, figuring that Gamzee must have pressured Karkat a bit earlier too, but Casey looks downtrodden at the new information. Karkat reassures her that he will eat at other meals later and tell her that she can spend this time asking Jade more questions about the greenhouse. She perks up again and slips between Karkat’s arms to join Jade’s side.

Karkat looks a bit miffed at the smile that John gives him, but he doesn’t say anything against it.

They follow the girls out of the greenhouse, but wave goodbye as they take separate hallways. It’s quiet between John and Karkat, and a bit awkward, but John knows that this is a conversation that needs to happen.

When they finally make their way to their shared room, they stand in the doorway, both a bit hesitant to take control of the situation.

Finally, John can’t stand the tension any longer and leads Karkat to sit on his bed. It’s eerily similar to how Gamzee’s conversation went this morning, but John figures it’s better than nothing.

They both sit down facing each other and John once again notices how he has to tilt his chin up to meet Karkat’s eyes. It’s not as big of a stretch as it was with Gamzee, but it’s still there. Karkat’s looking resolutely at the ground, but John doesn’t want any of that.

Scooting forward, John reaches and clasps Karkat’s hands in his own, feeling the troll tense at the unexpected contact momentarily. When Karkat meets his eyes, John can feel the troll relax and he loosens his hands, giving Karkat the freedom to break the connection if he wants. Karkat remains still, but he starts speaking now, questioning John on why they were situated on the bed.

Not everything is about the things holding me back. There are things holding you back, too. And I need to listen to you before we can move forward.

John’s surprised that he was able to repeat Gamzee’s advice as near perfectly as he was able to, but it felt so important that John knew he had to remember it.

Karkat’s staring at him, almost in shock, and John wonders if Gamzee had informed Karkat about what he was trying to do for him. John retightens his hold on Karkat’s hands and tells him again that he wants to talk, using his own words instead of Gamzee’s.

It feels like an eternity before Karkat speaks, coiling himself into a hunched position, staring at their joined hands in near remorse, but John is patient and willing to listen.

At first John is afraid that Karkat might try to talk around the subject, to avoid touching on the actual truth, but John is reassured when it starts off similar to Gamzee’s talk. Karkat admits to wanting to join John in a relationship, but he’s worried.

He’s worried that he’ll fuck everything up. He’s spent too much time fantasizing and romanticizing romance. He knows the ins and outs of every quadrant and he’s stressed that he’ll never be able to uphold an actual relationship because he’ll be too concerned about having it be perfect. He talks about Terezi and how much of a disaster that turned out to be because he expected too much, pushed too hard, wanted more than he should have ever wanted.

And he doesn’t want John to go through that same festering pile of unmitigated crap like Terezi had to. Because he cares too much for John to ever want John to experience any of that. It wouldn’t be fair to him, or anyone else, but especially not him. (Because it’s you who deserves everything this new universe has to offer. Why chain yourself to me for any length of time when there are so many better opportunities that await you?)

John’s hands are trembling throughout Karkat’s speech, but John can’t tell if it’s from his own body or Karkat’s.

Each word spoken unravels a new bit of Karkat that John had never stopped to think about and he wonders how much pain he might have accidentally caused the troll with his advances. How long had Karkat kept any of this locked inside? Was this the reason for his and Gamzee’s frequent feeling jams?

Karkat hasn’t stopped looking at their hands, but John can tell that Karkat’s waiting on him to respond.

When John loosens his fingers and makes to unlock their clasped hands, Karkat’s hands jump back and cross against his chest. But John doesn’t hesitate before pushing forward and wrapping his arms around Karkat’s back, pulling the troll in tight.

Karkat’s spine locks in place and John asks if he’s overstepping boundaries with the hug. He can feel Karkat shake his head against his hair as Karkat’s arms unravel between their chests as he attempts to return the hug.

They stay like that for a while as John talks into Karkat’s chest. Telling Karkat that he is the one opportunity that John really wants to experience. How he won’t let Karkat screw everything up because he’ll be there to tell Karkat when to stop bullshitting around. How he doesn’t understand much of the quadrant system even after all of this time, but he’ll always be willing to try because Karkat is the one he wants to be with.

If they can work together on this, if they can be honest and respectful of each other’s boundaries and feelings, if they can support each other, like they have since their first conversation, then they can do this. (If we both want this relationship to succeed, then I know it will.)

When John pulls back from the hug, he slides his hands against Karkat’s cheeks, holding his head in place. He waits until Karkat keeps steady eye contact before he asks him, properly this time.

And when Karkat nods, John feels greater than the god he’s become.


	5. So we aim and ignite!

It's been getting hard to sleep most nights and John feels the tension build up in his shoulders within the first few minutes of pulling himself out of bed. 

Karkat's pile, which they had rebuilt significantly closer to John's bed after a spontaneous pillow/scalemate fight, was empty. It was a bit disconcerting, but John figured that he was probably talking to the others about fighting tactics.

The upcoming battle had increasingly become a constant discussion. Sure, they had fought and won many scuffles before, but these last fights would count for so much more than a few boonbucks and shale.

The carapaces were almost always close at hand nowadays. They seemed adamant to contribute, claiming that this was their fight, too. Jade had tried to convince them that they didn't have to fight, but Dave had sided with the carapaces when the silly one with the mayor tag had persisted. 

No one could really decide on the best strategies to use. Rose and Davesprite had intimate knowledge of Bec Noir's fighting style at least, but everyone was at a loss on how to handle Lord English. 

They knew he was coming, and maybe already here, but that was the extent of their knowledge. 

Nowadays, everyone talks and trains and worries, and John feels like the precipice they’re balancing on is starting to crumble. He wonders if everyone is as stressed as they are because it feels like nothing has, or ever will, change. Being stuck on this asteroid for so long is beginning to accentuate the terrors and anxieties everyone holds, but no one wants to acknowledge.

They want to fight and end this war, even if it means accepting that they’ll have to start their lives anew.

Standing at his door, John stretches his arms into the air as far as he can, and gathers up the strength to handle another day of playing a supportive leader.

He knows that the others wouldn’t force him to act encouragingly, but John’s noticed how Rose’s eyes will relax slightly when he places a gentle hand on her shoulder when she gets too consumed in her texts. And how Terezi will cease tapping her cane anxiously on the ground, when she and Karkat can’t agree on different tactics, and he steps in to offer a middle ground.

And John will continue to do anything he can to bring a little bit of relief into his friends’ lives.

It seems oddly silent as John walks through the corridors. He doesn’t recall any important meetings being scheduled the night before. John wonders if Dave and Karkat have started tussling again. The others would probably be crowded around them, placing bets on how long Dave’s patience will last until Karkat gets violently removed from his personal space.

These encounters have been steadily rising, and John thinks that Dave is letting them continue as a way to expel some extra stress.

He’s about to backtrack and head over to the laboratory when John hears footsteps running towards him. When he turns, John sees Karkat slow down to a jog. His face looks pinched, distressed even, and it worries John.

When Karkat reaches him, John glances over his body, checking for any possible injuries. He’s relieved when he doesn’t notice anything, but it still doesn’t resolve why Karkat looks so concerned.

Karkat pulls his shoulders in tight when he moves to speak and John can’t stop himself from grasping his hands in an effort to offer support. Karkat is still hunched, but John sees a slight release of tension and he knows he’s helped a bit.

Jade had apparently noticed the entrance of Aradia and Sollux in the outer circles of the Veil and everyone was awaiting their arrival outside.

He figures that Karkat must have left to fetch him under the guise of guilt for letting him sleep in too long, but John knows that Karkat most likely needed to escape and process what was about to happen.

It’s hard meeting a friend again after such a long separation. Karkat and Sollux were close, although both would be quick to deny it, and there are times when Karkat worries that maybe things have changed too much between them and they won’t be able to interact as they once had.

But John doesn’t question Karkat about any of this. Karkat needs to be able to work through this until he’s ready to discuss it with John at his own admission.

John sets a slow pace as they make their way outside and Karkat keeps a steady grip on one of his hands and squeezes it slightly as they proceed.

He’s glad that he can act this way around Karkat. They’ve stayed up late so many times now, too occupied by their discussions to worry about catching enough sleep. It’s a slow process, but they’re both learning about what the other is okay with, their preferences and their limits.

John thinks that these talks are the most endearing part of their relationship. It’s not about making the other feel bad about accidental mistakes or controlling their behavior. It’s about being honest and accepting, and John has come to realize that these are things they both need so desperately.

When they reach the outside, John sees that the others are standing together a little ways off. Dave comments that they have a solid 20 minutes before the big premiere and Davesprite corrects him with 19 minutes instead.

John thanks them and nudges Karkat away from the two before they start bickering. Davesprite still seems to be suffering through secondhand embarrassment at the discovery of the dreaded love rap, but based on Terezi’s recent behavior it seems to have been a hit.

They join Kanaya and Jade as they discuss the proximity of Aradia and Sollux. Karkat joins in on their discussion, but John becomes intrigued by the movement around him instead. He sees many of the carapaces gathering near them as well. They stand together in large groups, black and white masses spread throughout the gray land. Occasionally, one will pull Rose or Terezi to the side, probably asking for updated information.

John knows that they are just as anxious to start doing something to end this war as the rest of them.

When Davesprite and Dave announce 4 minutes before the shit party begins, John feels Karkat looking at him. He throws Karkat a quick smile and the troll gives him a small one in return.

Karkat starts, whispering low enough so the others can pretend that they’re not noticing. He wonders if Sollux has changed at all since their last encounter, Aradia too. What will they have seen in all of those dreams bubbles containing their doomed selves?

And it scares Karkat, just a little bit, to acknowledge that the closer they come to winning the game means that he might be one step closer to never seeing Sollux, or his other dead friends, again. Rose wondered a few nights ago if the new universe would keep contact with the dream bubbles if they actually won, and John doesn’t think the thought helped Karkat at all.

Karkat seems to relax a little after finally admitting to his feelings and John says what he can to encourage him to keep a positive mindset. They’ll never know for sure until Aradia and Sollux actually arrive.

When Dave calls out 30 seconds, John looks to the sky before them. There are no racing comets to hold his attention this time, but he does notice a faint glow not too far away from the asteroid.

It’s a dim red and it’s steadily growing larger and brighter and Davesprite and Dave take turns counting down. John can’t find it within himself to get aggravated at them when he finally sees the two figures approaching.

They touch ground at the count of zero and John takes a moment to look them over. They don’t look unhappy for a couple of trolls who spend all their time interacting with the dead. They seem content, and maybe even a little excited.

The one John figures is Aradia is very pretty, with a small smile graced upon her face. He can’t help but stare at her wings as she greets the crowd. They look so deceptively fragile, but if John has learned anything about trolls, it’s that they are exceedingly resilient. John figures if this troll earn her god-tier rank, then she must be really amazing.

He takes a step forward, introducing himself and the others, just as his Dad had taught him to do. And when they’re ready, everyone turns and begins to walk back inside, eager to discuss the arrival of the alternate guardians.

John doesn’t know if even the largest room will hold everyone, carapaces included, but he figures it’s worth a try.

\--

He had never really wondered about what his teenage Nanna might have looked like, even during all the stories she told, but now that John’s watching the teenaged alternate version of her, John sort of regrets it.

Jane’s not exactly how John would have imagined a young Nanna. John can see the similarities in their looks, of course, but their personalities are a bit different.

John’s heard Jane quietly joke with Dirk enough times to know that she has a good sense of humor, and her laughs carry such a resemblance to Nanna’s that John has to sometimes look to see who is actually laughing.

Sometimes, though, John will notice the little differences. The way Jane is sterner with her friends, and less likely to believe others’ tales. Although, she does try hard to take care of her friends and there have been many times that John has seen her comfort and support them as they deal with the recent changes in their lives.

She’s not exactly like Nanna, and John is extremely grateful for that.

Jane seems fairly curious about Nanna, too, and they can usually be found baking and talking about their different experiences growing up. No one really minds them taking up the kitchen, though, because they’re always cooking up something delicious.

Today’s dessert is rhubarb puff, plucked fresh from Jade’s greenhouse, and Nanna is sharing one of her stories about her adventures with Grandpa Harley. Jane’s completely fascinated, mostly because Nanna can tell the most exciting tales, but John’s heard this one a few times before and he’s getting a bit worn out on baking.

He excuses himself, but neither really pay attention to him leaving. He thinks about going to visit Jade until he remembers that she and Jake planned a short trip to LOFAF today. She said she wanted to show Jake what her version of their island looked like, but John knows that she really wants to take him out shooting.

It’s been a while since she’s worked with her guns, but now that Jake’s arrived, she’s been pretty excited about sharing advice and practicing together.

He doesn’t really feel up to shooting with them today, so John heads to the common room instead.

John’s not really prepared to be stared at by all three Striders as soon as he walks in, but there’s enough stuff strewn about the room that John’s more interested about figuring out what they’re doing than absconding.

Dirk seems to have pulled out a captchalogued music mixer and a steady beat is playing in the background. Various lengths of fabric are draped across furniture and there are different colored smuppets scattered across the floor.

Davesprite is hovering in the far corner, his sword pulled back and ready to swing. Dirk is standing below him with his own sword in striking position. Lil Cal is held in his right hand and John noticed that he’s wearing a new Derse outfit because his previous one had been ripped and burned during the events Dirk’s game. Dave’s standing a few feet from Dirk. His sword is stuck in one of the walls, but Dave’s hands are currently wrapped tight around the head and body of a green smuppet.

He’s walked right into the middle of a Strider Strife and John’s seen enough videos of Dave and Bro’s strifes to know that things are going to get interesting. He hurries over the couch, pushing the tiny white pony that Dirk carries around and a bit of purple fabric out of his way, and tells the boys to continue.

The three stare at him longer before Dirk’s glasses give a little chime and the boys jump back into motion. Davesprite and Dave are apparently working together to take Dirk down. Dave rips the poor smuppet in half and throws the pieces at Dirk’s feet, while Davesprite strikes from above. Dirk defends himself from Davesprite’s attack while Dave races across the room to pull his sword from the wall.

It’s interesting noticing the differences between Dirk’s and Bro’s fighting styles and John supposes that it’s exactly like the differences between Nanna and Jane. It’s weird seeing how various circumstances in your life can affect your behavior and actions in subtle ways.

John’s glad that Dave and Davesprite are strifing with Dirk, though.

When the alternate guardians had arrived, Dave had simply turned and walked away, locking himself in his and Terezi’s room. Davesprite managed to stay until the kids started introducing themselves before flying off. 

It had been awkward for anyone to acknowledge what had happened and John tried his best keep everyone else’s spirits up.

John didn’t see Dave or Davesprite for a few days after that, but Nanna had been sure to take food to both of them for each meal, so he wasn’t too worried. It wasn’t until Terezi had convinced Dirk to try talking to Dave before anything improved. There was a lot of yelling at first, but things seemed to settle down after a while.

Jade had been impressed with Dave’s improvement and tried to do the same thing, but it hadn’t ended well. Davesprite had ended up striking out at Dirk with his weird sprite-y powers, before Jade had teleported Dirk away. Eventually, Dave came and the two boys had a long talk before Davesprite decided to try interacting with Dirk on his own accord.

It was good seeing their relationships’ progression, even if the three boys had an odd way of expressing tentative affection for one another.

After a while, the beat changes on the mixer to something catchier and the boys dissolve their strife into a rap battle and John figures he’s seen and heard enough. He makes his way out of the room, much less noticeable than his entrance, and heads back to the kitchen. He’s hopeful that the rhubarb puff will be done and that no one’s finished it off before he can get himself a piece.

Kanaya’s cutting out several servings when he walks in and John asks her to cut an extra piece. Roxy’s searching for clean dishes so he goes to help her find a few clean plates. Sometimes it’s hard keeping up with the dishes when there are so many hungry mouths.

Roxy invites John to come back with her and Kanaya as thanks, and John figures that he doesn’t have much else planned anyway.

There must be an unofficial meeting going on because Rose and Kanaya’s room is awfully crowded. Aradia and Sollux are sitting on chairs that must have been grabbed from the common room recently, Rose is perched cross-legged on her bed with Jaspersprite’s head resting on her lap, and Karkat and the mayor carapace are sitting on the floor with their backs against the bed.

They stop talking long enough to take their desserts and John settles himself next to Karkat, as Roxy and Kanaya join Rose on the bed. Most of the dialogue is familiar enough that John doesn’t really feel like paying attention. They’ve talked about these things so much that John is almost eager for the battle to begin just so he can stop hearing everyone discuss them all the time.

But he knows that it gives the others comfort to think these things through, so he doesn’t say anything against the conversation.

Eventually John rests his head against Karkat’s arm as the troll argues against Sollux’s recent suggestions.

He thinks about how many more days they have left to do things like this, to sit and talk and enjoy good meals. Aradia’s been joining Dave and Davesprite’s routine countdown, though John debates on whether or not it’s a helpful thing for them to be doing.

It’s no use fighting it though: the alphas have arrived and it’s time to go to war.

\--

Their asteroid looks desecrated and John wonders if it adequately reflects how mangled everyone feels right now.

Almost the entirety of their asteroid has been destroyed in the battle and there large chunks of wall scattered about the ground.

There’s a lot of blood too. There’s a bit of the weird troll blood, green and yellow and purple, but there’s an awful lot of red, and John has to look around at everyone to make sure that none of the survivors are suffering from too much blood loss.

Jade’s released the few consorts and carapaces that hadn’t wanted to fight from the captchalogued worlds and they’re wandering about now, tending to the injured and the dead.

Karkat’s crouched not too far away from where John is sitting. He’s tending to Gamzee’s head wounds, especially his damaged horn. It’s splintered severely and John wonders if they’re going to have to break it off or if troll horns can heal after such massive damage. Gamzee doesn’t seem to mind his injuries though and John thinks it might be because he earned them protecting Karkat from one of Lord English’s attacks.

Dave’s resting against some rubble, clutching his shoulder as a white carapace prepares bandages. He’s still bleeding pretty heavy, but Davesprite is hovering next to him making sure that he doesn’t pass out. John watches as the mayor carapace steps forward, holding Dave’s Bro’s sword to his chest. He presents it to the two, but after a moment Dave shakes his head and tells the carapace that he’s earn the right to keep the sword. After all, he’s the one who landed the killing blow to Bec Noir.

John wants to keep checking on the others, making sure they’re doing alright, but the carapace tending to his side pulls the bandages too tight and he has stop and concentrate on not becoming agitated. 

He doesn’t want to come across as ungrateful, so he sits through the tending as patiently as he can manage.

But he doesn’t have to wait very long because suddenly the asteroid starts to shake and everyone crowds together, keeping each other from falling.

When John lifts his head from where it’s pressed against Jane’s hair he immediately notices the door. The white dog lady is already poised to attack, but Aradia calms her by stating that it’s their reward for beating the game.

Because they’ve won and they’ve earned the right to create a whole new universe.

But John doesn’t know if he’s ready to make that new universe just yet. There are dead to tend to, injuries to heal, and a single troll he needs to cling to until he realizes that they both survived and that maybe they have a future to look forward to now.

Karkat doesn’t let him revel in reluctance, though, because he’s already dragging John by the hand towards the door and together their hands are heading for the doorknob.

\--

\---

\--

At roughly ten sweeps old, Karkat builds a new recuperacoon. It's large enough to fit two bodies in now, but John occasionally worries about when they'll outgrow it. He's pretty much reached his adult height, but Karkat seems to grow a little bit more every time John takes the time to look.

John was allowed to help with construction, or well, he badgered his way into helping until Karkat stopping shouting at him because it was supposed to be a surprise. But John cares less about surprises and more about ruffling his boyfriend whenever the opportunity presents itself. It was also his way of letting Karkat know that he was completely okay with its construction and the message it carried.

Rose had mentioned to John some months ago about the purpose of the larger recuperacoons. Apparently Kanaya had been fretting over her construction for a while now and even Rose was getting a little exhausted of all the scrapped designs piling around their bed. 

Because trolls had been manipulated into being a more aggressive race, they often built a single, larger pod to use during their sexual acts. The slime not only acted as a healing agent for the scrapes and bites that usually accompanied the act of sharing genetic material, but it would also keep the more aggressive trolls drowsy enough so they would not accidentally kill their partners if woken up unexpectedly. 

John was exceedingly glad that Rose had shared this information, because when Karkat had tentatively mention building one (after spending a long evening in Kanaya's presence), John already had his answer. 

The outside walls are red because Karkat said it was time to stop giving a shit, especially in the new universe. The inside walls are blue because it reminds John of long nights curled with Karkat under their old bed covers, whispering the shittiest jokes they could think of before laughing so hard that Roxy occasionally rushes into their room to make sure they can still breathe properly.

The new sopor slime was a trial and error sort of process in which Jade and Karkat occasionally slammed their heads together in frustration and success. They could be the funniest pair and John has a lot of good footage of their interactions saved that he likes to play from time to time.

They still have their bed pushed against the south wall of their room, but that's usually where John settles himself when he wants to watch the sun rise whenever he happens to wake up in time.

Karkat's sitting on the rim of the recuperacoon, half way leaning inside to observe the new addition of stickers John’s managed to sneak onto the inner walls of the pod. The stickers are high enough up now that they are free of slime, but John's pretty sure that they'll be soaked in a week and he'll find them peeled off and fallen onto Karkat's horns after a day's rest.

When John grows tired of listening to Karkat complain about how the stickers throw off the decor of the inner walls, he decides to show Karkat that the stickers won’t be as bothersome as Karkat likes to believe.

He comes up behind Karkat, running his hand up the troll’s back in an effort to scare him, but Karkat is always too aware of John’s tricks and he does little more than sigh and pull his head out of the recuperacoon.

He looks lovely in all his aggravation and John tells him just as much. He earns a pair of rolled eyes at the compliment, but also a quick kiss, and John thinks that’s a good enough thanks.

Karkat slides down from the top of the recuperacoon and John pulls him in close, restarting the kiss.

They continue until John asks if it’s okay to go farther. Karkat pulls in a shaky breathe as he agrees and the two start to strip off their clothing.

Karkat climbs to the top of the recuperacoon again, giving John a hand up. It takes John a moment to balance on the rim before steadying up enough to climb inside. The slime is warm and only comes up to John’s thighs when he’s standing. But he crouches a bit and moves to the side to give Karkat room to join him before lying down.

The slime clings to John’s body, but he’s grown accustomed to it after so many uses. He feels Karkat slide against him, wrapping his arms around John’s shoulders and pulling him in close.

John appreciates his slowness and he drags his fingers up Karkat’s sides as the troll begins to kiss him again.

\--

John will forever appreciate the fact that their new home is a lot brighter than their old asteroid. It certainly makes wandering the hallways a more enjoyable act than before.

John decided, when he and Karkat had grasped the doorknob to their new universe, that they wouldn’t create everything with split-second desires. Instead, they would be responsible gods and ensure that their new universe wouldn’t suffer any consequences from the game, even if it took years of frustrating work.

With Lord English destroyed, the game had simply become a device for them to use, but John could tell that everyone occasionally worried that this universe might someday be destroyed as well. But they had hoped that careful planning and design would give their universe a fighting chance to stave off the possibility of future destruction.

When they first arrived, they had claimed their bit of land on the new world and alchemized a home to call their own. It was sprawling and there always seemed to be a new addition every time John stepped outside to admire their handiwork.

Their world was empty upon arrival, nothing but a flat stretch of red soil and rock for miles, but they were improving it every day. They had used leftover materials from their planets, tearing down their childhood homes and reconstructing them into something greater. And Jade’s flowers and grasses from the asteroid’s greenhouse were taking quite well to the soil and their world was gaining some color.

The consorts, who had offered to explore the rest of the world in search of a new resting place for their denizens, mapped out each region they encountered. They also helped by planting seeds along the way, enriching the new world.

Jade, who had the easiest time locating and teleporting to the traveling consorts, would often visit them to collect the information and provide them with any resources they were lacking. 

John can hear Karkat yelling before he’s even reached the door to the communal living area. They built the room especially large, providing enough space for everyone to gather at convenience. Over time, the others had started bringing in little projects and the room eventualy evolved into an entertainment and work area.

John sees Dave and Kanaya are fitting a family of carapaces with a new wardrobe as soon as he walks in. Their outfits have been taking off now that everyone has time to enjoy the simpler things in life again.

He waves to them as he heads over to where Dirk and Karkat are arguing. Apparently they had been discussing the various types of creatures to begin alchemizing with Rose when Roxy had challenged them to a design contest.

Dirk clearly had more artistic skill than Karkat, but Karkat was unwilling to admit defeat.

The group had been talking about these designs for some time now and they were hoping to create enough variations with genetic similarities so they could breed and evolve without too much interference.

John had noticed that there was an unspoken agreement to provide the new universe with equal amounts of troll and human creations.

They worried, on occasion, about how they would design the new race, if they should use ectobiology to continue the two populations of human and troll or if they should attempt to create an amalgam of the two species.

But John knows they have plenty of time to decide before the world would be ready to support the new life-forms.

He walks over to the group and takes Karkat’s drawing to get a better look. It’s freakish and adorable and John tells him that they should create it, if only so John can get a good laugh whenever he sees it.

Karkat thanks him for the backhanded compliment, but John gives him a quick kiss as the others laugh at their exchange.

John’s come to enjoy these unhurried days, even though they aren’t as exciting or adventurous as the first days of the game. But his friends are by his side, and he has Karkat.

And John thinks that’s all he really needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKoBTEcq8Ck&ob=av3e


End file.
